I wrote not too long ago about the choice of love, reflecting on whether or not God would call me away from a ministry I felt called to in order to take up another kind of calling…
…of stepping away from career and choosing family and homemaking over the job I love. This after careful consideration of several things; not the first of which is simply because of family economics…my wife makes more than I do. Other reasons include debating about the use of early childhood education/child care or not, the age to begin, and the kind/quality of care I would seek for my child.
Now that my child has been born, the choice I must soon make is real and imminent. I still don’t know what I’m going to do. It is a choice that is hard to make, a choice that must be made, and a choice that, at least from the front end of it and the beginning of the relationship I have with my new son, will make a lasting difference in the rest of our natural lives.
Or is this really the case? What kinds of relationship differences are there between parents who raise their own children in the home, choosing to live more frugally on one income rather than two, and those who continue to both work, placing their children in child care of some sort? I don’t know the answer to this.
There is no question that I want to make myself useful, engaging in meaningful work for the world and other people. The question remains, to what end; and to whom can I work meaningfully and still do what I am called to do? And can I even honor two callings at once or must I choose between parenting and other career options? I do not know the answer. And all I can do is gaze out the window at the rain and contemplate…
Outside the rain is falling.
Silver clouds drip their tears of joy at this new birth.
The evergreen trees, washed out in the fog,
Speak to me of my worlds, then and now, here and there;
All is quiet after birth, and I hold my new born son,
Gazing out at falling rain.